


Look at Me

by Cheolie



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-05-29 01:45:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6353944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheolie/pseuds/Cheolie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seungcheol didn't think it was that big of a deal. Until it was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Seungcheol was the leader. As such he took care of his band members- making sure they ate well, reminding them to wear their jackets if it was cold outside and bringing them sunscreen if it was hot. Seungcheol did this without thinking. It was natural to take care of them as their pseudo- mother hen because that’s what leaders do. But it was always clear to everyone that Seungcheol had his favourites. Outside the rap line he mainly hung out with Jeonghan and Jihoon. But with a group so large it was easy to miss how the leader would purposely avoid one member unless forced to do fanservice. This member was Xu Ming Hao. 

It began when Minghao first joined the group just as Seungcheol’s friend Dooyoon left. Even though he knew it wasn't the boys fault there was residue resentment that made him avoid the new Chinese member. It wasn't as if Minghao would notice or care Seungcheol would try to convince himself. Especially with how easily the boy melded into the group with his awkward Korean that the other boys found adorable and his quiet demeanour which many of the other boys sought refuge in when the others were being too loud and abrasive. 

This went on for a long while until he started noticing Minghao trying to initiate conversation with him more. He would often find an excuse to leave the conversation or get the other members to join in so he wouldn't have to look at Minghao for too long and feel the guilt that came with being unable to stop being unfair when it came to the boy. On one of the days when their schedule was booked up with promotions for Mansae the apartment was a flurry of activity. Everyone finally piled into the car when Seungcheol did a head count and noticed that two of the members were missing.

“Does anyone know where Jun and Minghao are?” he yelled over the loud chatter.  
Jihoon replied from the back when no one else bothered to reply “They’re probably still upstairs.”  
Seungcheol sighed. If he didn't go get them right now they’d be late.

Seungcheol walked up the steps and finally reached the bedrooms. He poked his head into each room to find them empty. Just when he was getting ready to yell he heard muffled crying from the bathroom. He cautiously walks to the door and sees through the crack Minghao crying as Jun tried to clean his face with tissues while softly speaking soothing words in mandarin. Seungcheol wondered if Minghao was homesick and is about to call out to them but then Minghao began to speak. Through the sniffles he hears Minghao saying something in mandarin. Seungcheol only understands one word and that is Seungcheol.

Well shit.


	2. Chapter 2

Seungcheol sighed deeply and walked back to the kitchen where he yelled for the boys to hurry up. Jun yelled back to give them a minute. Seungcheol took a shaky breath, there was no way Minghao knows, Seungcheol tried to convince himself. But his mind whispered back what else could he be upset about? 

He shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts through a little pep talk ‘now is not the time to panic over nothing. You have a job to do!’ He goes back to the car and sits in the passenger seat at the front. Jun and Minghao arrived a couple of minutes after him. None of the others said anything about their lateness when they noticed the puffiness of Minghao’s eyes. Everyone had bad days where the pressure of being idols becomes too much so they had probably written it off as one of the days where everything becomes too much. Seungcheol wished he could believe the same. 

They got to the venue where they would be doing a meet and greet. At this point Seungcheol was feeling better because both Minghao and Jun were acting as if nothing happened. He allowed himself to relax a little too soon. They were in the changing room with all the cordi-noona’s making them look presentable. The noona’s worked their magic and gone were all the blemishes. Minghao no longer looked like he’d been crying although the noonas scolded him gently to take care of his body. 

They walked to cheers and applause from their fans. He smiled and waved beside Jeonghan and Dino. He sat down and they started off signing posters and albums for the fans. Some of the fans gave presents as usual. When Jeonghan received another halo he laughed. Jeonghan now had ten halos at home. After the signing they decided to have a question and answer as an apology for being slightly late. Everything was going fine (although Seungcheol was a bit annoyed when one girl asked about the rankings of looks among members but they all knew how to joke that question away) until one girl stood up to ask her question. 

She directed her question to Minghao shyly “What are some of the difficulties of being a Chinese member in a Korean pop group? Well, besides being away from your family and the language barrier.” Seungcheol knew Minghao had rehearsed a similar question before with management after the Exo incident. Minghao looked down at his hands which shook slightly as he took one of the microphones from Hansol. “I… I guess, when you’re so far away from home your teammates become your family. But I sometimes feel like some of the members don’t feel the same as me and… that’s probably the hardest part of being a Chinese member.” Everyone was surprised by this proclamation. Everyone quickly went to reassure Minghao that they felt like he was their family too. Everyone except Seungcheol. He was in a state of shock, his mouth opening and closing but no words were coming out. His mind was blank as he watched Minghao smile as Hansol and Jun squished him with hugs as the other members and the fans shouted their love for him. The fear from earlier increased as Seungcheol realised…. 

Minghao knows.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been so long. I had exams and then I was relaxing which turned into me being lazy. Because it’s been so long I’ve forgotten how I originally wanted this chapter to go. I’m not sure if I’m happy with it but I think I’ve left it for too long at this point. I just want to warn you that this is from the perspective of Seungcheol. His assumptions about the relationships and dynamics within the group are his own and might not necessarily represent reality.

The concern everyone felt for Minghao made Seungcheol feel a surge of pride that was tinged with bitterness. He knew it wasn't Minghao’s fault but he started to blame the boy. Why was it his fault that Minghao felt like they weren't a family? For all he knew it could be Mingyu he was talking about. Seungcheol had seen the way he reacted around Mingyu when Wonwoo wasn't around... Maybe he had a crush and that's why he was upset. His mind recoiled against the thought of Minghao being gay. While he was okay with a member being gay personally, as a leader life would become more difficult for the group as a whole if it got out. It was one thing to do fan-service and another thing entirely when members actually like boys even though he personally didn't understand the distinction. He watched as Minghao was showered with hugs and whispered words from the corner. When he noticed it was Mingyu’s turn he watched carefully and couldn't find any difference in how they interacted than the others. That doesn't mean there isn't something there, his mind supplied. 

While he was imagining the possible secret one sided love of Minghao he didn't notice as Jeonghan and Joshua walking over to him until Joshua spoke “can we speak to you privately please?” He nodded and walked followed them out. Seungkwan yelled about the hyungs being secretive which was promptly ignored. He walked out with them into the bathroom where Jeonghan made sure there was no one else there. He closed the door and made sure no one could get in. “Alright Cheolie, what is going on?” He looked at his two best friends and frowned “I don't know what you're talking about?” They both looked at each other and communicated non-verbally which always annoyed me when they did that. “You aren't really acting like much of a leader.” He frowned at them “What do you mean?” Joshua sighed “Cheolie, as soon as Minghao said that we thought you would be the first one trying to comfort him but you didn’t. Something is going on and if we’ve noticed it that means the others will too if they haven’t already.” Jeonghan continued “Unity is important or this group is going to crash and burn. How are we supposed to be a group when our own leader isn’t caring for the members?” 

Seungcheol couldn’t handle it. It felt like he’d been punched in the gut. He always tried his hardest to be a good leader but in his mind this proved to himself that he wasn’t good enough. He saw the regret in their faces as they realised how much that hurt him but it was too late. He couldn’t even look them in the eyes as he mumbled he’d be leaving for a bit. He raced to the backstage room with everyone in it, took his jacket and face mask before leaving, ignoring Jeonghan, Jisoo and the other members calling out from behind him. He did allow himself to glance once over at Minghao who was watching him with unreadable eyes. He couldn't stand it. It felt like he couldn't breathe so he did the only thing he could think to do in that moment. 

He ran away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long. The next chapter is almost done so the waiting time wont be as long. Have a great day and let me know what you think :)

He hid in a café near the venue. He had already messaged one of the manager hyungs that he had gotten out of the building fine and that none of the fans saw him. He told the hyung he just needed a little bit to think. He knew the staff were going to be mad at him for running off but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He sat with his coffee forlornly in a corner. He didn't look up when someone sat across from him in the almost empty cafe. He figured someone would find him eventually. 

The person cleared his throat and Seungcheol finally looked up to find Jihoon sitting quietly across from him. Seungcheol was mildly surprised it was Jihoon that found him but when he gave it some thought he realised it made sense. Jihoon was one of the few people who saw him when he was in the midst of a meltdown. He knew that when Seungcheol was stressed, sad or angry coffee was the answer. Seungcheol tried not to show weakness around the others because in his mind the leader is meant to be the strongest link but somehow Jihoon managed to get through his defences. He would even bring Seungcheol coffee on a particularly rough day without a word. Seungcheol would return the favour when Jihoon refused to leave the studio and pulled an all- nighter to get work done. It was a quiet dynamic that helped both shoulder the feeling of responsibility for their groups successes and failures. 

"Hyung." Seungcheol sighed and nodded. He prepared himself for the inevitable tongue lashing he deserved. "You know I didn't really like Jun in the beginning." Seungcheol blinked in surprise, not expecting the conversation to go this way. He hadn't even known Jihoon hadn't liked Jun at first. Jihoon continued quietly, his voice holding a musical lilt that Seungcheol only ever heard in Jeonghan and Jihoon. Perhaps it was because they were singers Seungcheol often used to wonder but when he brought it up with Jisoo he had laughed "It's probably because you take more notice when they speak." Seungcheol had laughed and let it go even though he hadn't really understood what he meant. 

"He's always been handsome and has this mature aura that I just don't have so I was jealous." Jihoon sipped from Seungcheols coffee which earned him a small glare which Jihoon ignored. "I guess I thought he was going to be so much more popular than me and it wasn't something I could improve on to try and beat him. I got over it once I realised that we are a unit and anyone's fans is better than no fans at all. Plus, I got to know him and he's really... Sweet" Jihoon grimaced slightly at the word "so how can I not like him?" 

Seungcheol looked at the other with a frown "What are you trying to say?"  
Jihoon sighed exasperatedly and looked at him liked it should be obvious. "I'm trying to say that nobody's perfect. Some of the members were intimidated by me. Some of the members found Seungkwan annoying. Still do probably but now it's more fondly ‘I’m gonna shove a sock in your mouth if you don’t shut up but I love you.’ Some of the members couldn't relate to Jisoo hyung, Jun or Minghao because they were foreigners. But guess what? We got over it. Because we're a team. We may not always be the best of friends with everyone in the group but we have to at least try." Jihoon became increasingly passionate as he spoke. Seungcheol knew it came from the fact that he was jeopardising the team Jihoon had worked so hard on. That they all had worked so hard on. He looked down at the ring on his finger that symbolised that they are a family. It hurt to know he was ruining their brotherhood by being a stubborn ass.

"Minghao... He's had the most difficult time transitioning into being a part of the team. He had to learn a completely new language and customs. If we don't have our leader welcoming him how will he ever feel like he belongs in Seventeen?" Seungcheol felt his eyes well up as tears fell onto his hands. If he looked up he would've seen the panicked look on Jihoons face. Seungcheol was a pillar of strength and he never cried in front of the members, except Jeonghan once. "I- I don't deserve to be the leader..."

"Hey, hey, you do" Jihoon awkwardly moves to pat Seungcheols back. Jihoon didn't really like touching people but his hyung was crying so he was willing to make an exception. "You just need to get to know Minghao and you'll learn to like him." Seungcheol looked up "You think I don't like him?" Jihoon looked at him in confusion. "Umm yeah? All the members thought that you didn't like him or something." Seungcheol stops crying at that as he stares at Jihoon, suddenly coming to the realisation of how him avoiding Minghao like the plague must seem to the other members. He'd really fucked up. "How am I supposed to explain to Minghao? He probably won't even give me a chance..." He looked down and traced the edge of his coffee cup forlornly. Jihoon leaned back with in the chair and smiled, feeling triumphant in getting Seungcheol closer to accepting Minghao "Communicate your feelings and listen to his. Accept that you hurt him and try to fix it, okay?" 

Seungcheol nodded, resolute.


End file.
